


Here's To The Secrets We Cannot Keep

by manonlemelon



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Getting Together, Liam discover he is asexual and learns to love himself, M/M, Misunderstandings, Self-Hatred, ace liam, angst with happy ending, this fits canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 18:06:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16792030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manonlemelon/pseuds/manonlemelon
Summary: Liam loved Hayden and when she left it broke his heart. What most people don’t know though is the relief he felt when she left because to Liam there was one problem in their relationship : Sex. He hated it. Made him feel sick. Convinced he is somehow broken for it Liam tries to deal with his newfound feelings for Theo and comes to terms with who he is.





	Here's To The Secrets We Cannot Keep

**Author's Note:**

> A massive thanks to Tara for being incredible and reading over this and making sure it was okay.  
> Title from Beautifully Tragic by Escape The Fate  
> This is basically me wanting to see ace Liam and making it fit canon I hope you enjoy!  
> If you see any mistakes please let me know!

Liam knew something was wrong with him since the moment he first kissed Hayden. Well not the first kiss per say because that one had been short and sweet, and he was focused on taking her pain away. The first time their kisses got heated on the other hand… He knew he was supposed to feel something more, to want more, he could smell Hayden’s reaction and his should be the same but… It just wasn’t happening for him. In retrospective he should have known he was different since he hit puberty. Everyone on his team was always talking about girls, or boys and what they wanted to do with them, bragging about what they did had already done, and he just wasn’t that interested, couldn’t ever really picture himself having sex with anyone.

It's not that he didn’t enjoy physical contact, he loved the hugs and cuddles, the soft kisses. The problem was when it started to get heated, it just… didn’t sit well with him. It felt… Wrong was the only word to describe it. The beta couldn’t enjoy it like he knew he was supposed to. And he had tried, so hard. Made himself kiss her like she kissed him, told himself over and over again that this was good, tried to convince himself he was loving every second of it. But no matter what he couldn’t lie to himself, couldn’t make his brain act like he thought it was supposed to. The only good thing about the whole mess that was the dread doctors, and Theo turning out to be the enemy was that it hadn’t given Hayden and him much time to explore their relationship further.

But eventually it became inevitable, and no matter how much he tried to prepare himself for it, how hard he tried to make it okay in his brain his first time with Hayden still felt disgusting to him. He loved her, he really did he just couldn’t bear being with her like that. He was a 16 years old boy, this should be all he thought about if it wasn’t for the supernatural drama around them. This was what he was supposed to want more than anything. It’s what everyone else his age wanted. He didn’t want to disappoint his girlfriend, to make her feel like she wasn’t wanted. And if anyone were to somehow learn he could have had sex and didn’t he would never hear the end of it. So he did. Forced himself to have sex with his beautiful girlfriend, to act like he was enjoying it. He knew that he was at least putting on a good show because she never said anything about it, and luckily, with their life, they didn’t have much time for that with trying to stay alive and all. 

He managed to avoid it as much as he could without raising suspicions which had been easy when the beast was hell bent on destroying Beacon Hills, and then saving Mason and being with him making sure he was okay, being there while he recovered from the trauma that being turned into the beast had been for him. Hayden had been more than understanding, letting Liam be with his best friend instead of spending time together. But time passed, and things went quiet for a while, at least they thought so. Who knows for how long the ghost riders had been in town, taking people, before they noticed something was wrong. It took them months to realize Stiles was missing after all. During those weeks Liam had been in pain, hiding it so well no one noticed while he was hating himself for being unable to feel like everyone else. Unable to be normal despite his pretense. Always wondering why, he was so broken. As if being a werewolf with IED wasn’t enough. Maybe that was just who he was meant to be. Always broken, never normal, never okay. He could pretend all he wanted but the truth was he wasn’t happy living like that and it felt like he never will be, not really, not in a relationship anyway, not when he forced himself to do things that made him feel sick to his stomach.

Thankfully the peace stopped once again when the Ghost Riders were revealed, after that there wasn’t time for relationship and sex anymore. It was constant running around, trying to understand what they were up against and remember a ghost. The next thing Liam knew was that Theo was back, and helping willingly, something had changed, a shift. He grew to care about the Theo that they freed from the ground in a short time. Probably because it was the two of them against the Ghost Riders for a minute. Facing death together create a unique bond between people, even if they were enemy before, but it was more than that, Liam knew the moment Theo uttered “Being the bait.” that things would never be the same again. He was confused at how desperate he was when all he could do was listen as gunshots echoed in the elevator and then nothing. After the facts he blamed it on not wanting to be left alone, Theo had been the last person he could count on.

Being the last man standing had been terrifying. It was easier than to admit he cared about the person who had tried to make him kill Scott, who had killed his alpha even if temporarily. And the relieved he felt when Theo had showed up, still alive, and saved him once again was blamed on knowing he wasn’t alone anymore. Soon after Theo faded from his thoughts and he was once more consumed by Hayden, finally being reunited, saving her and everyone else. Before they knew it the town was saved and back to normal, well as normal as it could be in Beacon Hills, the older member of the pack planning on going to college leaving Liam to be in charge. As normalcy was brought back in town so was his relationship and with it his feelings he had been able to forget for those intense moments. He was reminded of how broken he really was, fighting his own feelings whenever things got too heated with Hayden. Until she left.

The relief he felt when Hayden broke up with him was his greatest shame. He loved her he really did, and it had hurt when she left, he wanted her to stay with him forever, but he also understood her decision to leave to protect his sister. He could never see himself leave his pack, but Hayden wasn’t like them, not like Liam was. She has never been as close as the rest of the pack as Liam was, probably because she was a chimera first and only came in the pack for Liam. And her sister was her only family. This was most likely why she had managed to make this decision. The beta understood the desire she had to protect the one person that had been there for her her entire life. To be honest if he knew how to protect his parents without leaving, he would do whatever it takes too, she just had the courage to leave the pack, sacrificing the power and security that comes with it for her sister. Liam knew that hadn’t been easy on her. And he admired her a bit for what she did. Her leaving had hurt, so much it was all he could feel but there was this part of him that he kept a secret, locked away that just felt like this huge pressure had been removed. Like he didn’t have to worry anymore, wouldn’t have to have sex with her again and for that he felt glad. And with that came the guilt.

He was still broken, still unable to enjoy this one thing everyone else seemed to love and be obsessed with. But at least he was free of pretending, free of the disgust he felt whenever things got too heated. And he had to carry the guilt that came along with him. Thankfully no one had to know his shameful secret, and everyone blamed his mood on being heartbroken over Hayden’s departure, which wasn’t untrue. It was just not the whole truth. Soon though he didn’t have time to wallow in his feeling anymore as the war with the hunter arose and the Anukite revealed itself. They were consumed by fighting for their life, desperately trying to survive every attack and save Beacon Hills. Plus Theo had reappeared from wherever he had been hiding, being there at every corner riling Liam up, saving him, calming him down. Before he knew it Hayden was out of his mind, even when the peace returned all he could think about was Theo. The way the chimera had smiled while saying “Five”, the look he had in the elevator, when the chimera took Gabe’s pain. Cared for someone who tried to kill them. Liam knew that this wasn’t something he would have been able to do. It didn’t take a genius to realize why Theo had been able to make the teenager’s final moment peaceful, Theo could see himself in him, a kid manipulated by forces outside of his comprehension into doing the wrong thing.

* * *

There is nothing Liam wanted more than to bury himself in Theo’s arms. And lately every time they saw each other Liam could feel the tension in the air. Eventually it would snap and something was bound to happen. The smart thing would be to stay away, but Liam couldn’t help but gravitate around the older boy. There was something about him he couldn’t quite shake. Theo was under his skin, for better or worse. Maybe it was the way he always survived somehow. Liam admired that, sure there had been times where the chimera’s survival at come at the cost of other but he never gave up, he always fought his hardest to stay alive. And having him fight like this for Liam was quite something to witness. The following months after the Anukite Liam had understood why Theo had survived years under the dread doctors. He was a force to be reckoned with.

Liam knew the smart thing to do would be to keep the chimera at arms lengths, avoid him as much as possible to squash the crush he was developing before it was too late. Before he was stuck being in love with a person he could never have unless he was willing to sacrificed himself. In theory it was a solid, easy plan, after all except for impending disaster he never sees Theo around. Theory didn’t take into account discovering Theo was living in his truck. Liam couldn’t just do nothing about it so after talking to his parents he had managed to convince them to let Theo move in the guest bedroom. Convincing Theo had been another story, he only ended up accepting after making it clear it would only be temporary, a few months tops until he found a job and had saved enough money to get his own place.

Needless to say that the ‘stay away from Theo to not catch feelings’ flew out of the window. He tried so hard but it was no use. The chimera’s presence was magnetic. Not to mention his newfound anchor, well Liam found out Theo was his anchor recently but that had probably been the case since the war with the hunters. He found himself watching TV with the chimera more often than not, offering to play video games, hands brushing together sending trills to Liam even though he knew he could never act on them. After all he was broken and it was no use getting too close. It would only result in heartbreak. He could already picture it, going back to hating himself for being reminded of what was wrong with him every time Theo would touch him. Relief when he wouldn’t, the inability to enjoy anything else in a relationship because he was so consumed by this one thing that makes his skin crawls.

Getting close to Theo was terrifying, the chimera was able to see right through him and understand him in a way no one ever had before. It was as his piercing gaze was seeing right through him, ready to unravel all his secrets. Even the ones he protected more than anything. Even… the one he didn’t want to think about. Though it had perks like witnessing a murderer trying to live a normal life. That was captivating, the first time Liam had seen Theo eat cereals… That had been one of the most bizarre sight he had ever seen at the time, Theo with his ruffled hair free of products falling in his sleepy eyes, dressed in grey sweatpants and a shirt, yawning in between mouthful, milk dribbling down his face. Now he barely even registered it.

Everyday they grew closer. And everyday Liam wanted to run, because he knew where this was headed. Theo and him… They were so much more than friends. Liam tried his hardest to stay as far away as he could but not matter what he did in the end they always ended up next to each other, seeking the other out, like they couldn’t help themselves. The closer they got the more scared Liam was. He was too broken to ever allow this to happen, too terrified of what could happen, the possibility freezing him, keeping them from becoming too close. It could only ever end in either Liam being miserable in yet another relationship with someone he cared about or Liam hurting Theo by pushing him away and making him believe he wasn’t wanted. It was exhausting and the beta just wished he could enjoy life and stop worrying constantly about what could happen, stop the weight of knowing he was completely broken. He just wanted to live.

* * *

Lately though Liam had been telling himself that whatever happens between him and Theo, it will all be okay. After all the chimera was a boy and maybe that had been the problem with Hayden. Deep down he knew that he was lying to himself, he had always been open to being attracted to guys. He had been attracted to guys before. And it couldn’t have been what had bothered him with Hayden. But he was holding onto that hope, because maybe just maybe then he could be with Theo. He could never have to worry about this again. Just being blissfully happy with the boy he liked.

Life had other plans for him.

The day inevitably arrived where the beta and chimera finally acted upon whatever it was that was happening between them. It had all started with them hanging on Liam’s bed, as usual, laughing and teasing each other as they played video games.

After their latest game had ended, Liam couldn’t help but smile at Theo, making the older boy breath catch in his chest, his eyes fixed on Liam’s face, their closeness making it easy for Theo to hesitantly let his finger run alongside the beta’s jaw. As if he was testing something, waiting for a reaction before opening his mouth.

“I love when you smile like that, makes you look like sunshine.” Theo said, his voice low, making Liam weak. What did it thought was the intensity in the chimera’s eyes and Liam couldn’t help himself, the next second he has his lips pressed softly against Theo’s his hands fisted in the chimera’s shirt, bringing him closer.

In that moment everything was perfect, Theo was kissing him back, the soft pressure of his lips brushing against Liam’s actually felt good. It was all he needed and sighed in happiness into the kiss. For a second Liam thought he might have been right after all, that the problem had been Hayden being a girl and not him. Until Theo’s hand reached the back of his head, entangled itself in the beta’s hair, bringing the two boys closer as Theo’s kiss grew hungrier, his lips harsher against Liam’s. Everything crumbled once more, it was too much. When Liam felt the chimera’s tongue against his lips that was what made everything tip, when everything changed. He just couldn’t. Not again. It didn’t feel good, felt like… It shouldn’t be happening, and he couldn’t put himself through that again. No matter how hard he had tried to be what Theo was looking for. He failed. He pushed the other boy away, scrambling off the bed and on his feet.

“I can’t do this. I’m.. I can’t.”

Theo sat there frozen on the bad, hands in the air, mouth wide open, confusion on his face until he slowly realized Liam just didn’t want him. Or at least that was what the beta assumed. That look right there broke his heart, it had been what he had been desperately trying to avoid by keeping his distance. It had all been pointless in the end. The harm was done. Every fiber in his body screamed at him to go and hug the chimera, to reassure him that he liked him but… He couldn’t. What good would it do? In the end Liam still couldn’t give Theo what he wanted.

The beta could feel the tears starting to gather in his eyes as he turned around and left the room directing himself toward the front door before Theo could start talking. He needed to get out, needed to breathe, to get away. He could only imagine what his chemosignals was telling the chimera.

Liam could hear Theo calling his name as he ran out of the door, tears streaming down his face. What had he done. He should have never kissed the other boy, now everything was ruined. He had ruined his friendship with Theo.

A week later Theo was moving out. Liam knew it had been planned for a while, after all the chimera staying with them had only been temporary, until he got back on his feet. Not because his parents wouldn’t let him stay as long as he wanted but because the chimera needed his independence. Needed be build a life on his own, Liam understood that with everything Theo had been through his whole life he had a hard time accepting help. It had been hard enough on the chimera to accept Liam’s help, Jenna’s dotting attention, David’s unconditional welcoming. He was glad that Theo had at least stayed until he could get a comfortable place and not just the cheapest thing available to just be gone from the house that had opened his door to him. He couldn’t help but think thought that what had happened last week had made Theo move as fast as possible as the chimera was only still looking at places before they kissed.

Everything was different now, there wasn’t impromptu video games session when he got home anymore, no more leaning on Theo while watching movies, no chimera to help him with his biology homework. No nothing. Liam knew it was his fault, after all the week after the kiss, when Theo had still lived with them, Liam avoided him like the plague, hiding in his room, declined his calls and leaving his texts unanswered. The message it sent couldn’t be clearer. Theo probably believed Liam wanted nothing to do with him by now. Which was as far from the truth as it could possibly be.

Liam hadn’t realized exactly just how much time he had been spending with the chimera until he didn’t anymore. The loneliness he had been feeling ever since they kissed had taken its toll on him. He missed having someone to share his time with at home, missed spending time with him even if it just was Theo picking him up from practice. He missed seeing the older boy’s beautiful face, missed all the small touches they used to exchange whenever they hung out. Missed the rare smiles he could get out of the chimera. He missed Theo. And he will continue to do so until the chimera will have forgotten they have ever kissed because he couldn’t bring himself to face him. He just hoped they would be lucky enough to not have another one of Beacon Hills’s supernatural disaster until then.

He was just terrified of having to explain to Theo why he ran away and lying wasn’t an option with the chimera. The idea alone of revealing how broken he was terrified him, what would Theo say? He wasn’t sure he couldn’t handle rejection, not when all he wanted was to make Theo happy, to be happy with him even if it could never happen. As long as he didn’t talk to Theo, he didn’t have to hear him say he doesn’t want to have anything to do with Liam. It might be stupid and just prolonging the inevitable, but Liam just couldn’t bring himself to get his heart broken.

* * *

It took another week of Liam avoiding to even mention Theo’s name for Mason to be sick of his newfound avoidance of the chimera and obvious moping. Liam might have been requiring more best friend time than before as his usual video game partner had vanished. If his phone wasn’t still displaying missed calls, unread texts and ignored voicemails it would have actually been like Theo had disappeared as Liam did such a good job at avoiding him. He hadn’t even caught a glance of him ever since he moved out, the only proof he had that the chimera was actually still in town was through Jenna, Mason and Corey. Hell, he didn’t even know where the chimera lived now. And that hurt. He hadn’t just lost Theo and whatever he represented to Liam, whatever had been happening between them, hadn’t just lost his anchor, he lost a friend too. He knew it was all his fault and all he had to do was to pick up the phone and talk to the other boy, he was pretty sure he could just tell Theo to pretend as if nothing ever happened and the chimera would be okay with it, Liam just couldn’t bring himself to do that. Because no matter what they both knew friendship would never be enough between them. So instead of Theo and his sarcastic comments, soft touches and his weird talent for video games considering he spent most of his life in the sewer he was on his bed with Mason, like they used to before everything, before Scott bit him.

“Are you going to finally talk about it?” Mason said as his character died once more on the screen.

“Talk about what?” Liam knew very well what Mason was referring to, he knew that discussion was inevitable but maybe his best friend would drop it for a little while longer.

“Whatever is going on with you… Whatever happened with Theo.” Apparently, he had no such luck. Mason didn’t have supernatural hearing and the ability to listen to his heartbeat to detect his lies, he had 16 years of Liam though and that was just as useful as a lie detector. He could either try and lie to the one person he knew would listen to him and stand by him through anything and hoped Mason wouldn’t call him out on it and leave it be, taking it as a sign Liam just wasn’t ready to tell the truth just yet. Or he could finally be honest, do the most terrifying think he would ever had to do and finally let it all out, all the pain, all the shame and guilt, finally tell someone just how broken he was.

“I…” He could do this. This was Mason. He knew he had to talk about it eventually, bottling this much feelings couldn’t end well. Especially for him considering his IED. He just needed to start talking, he had a feeling that once he really started he wouldn’t be able to stop.

“We kissed.”

“You did? That’s awesome! Like fucking finally to be honest!” Mason said, playfully hitting Liam in the shoulder as a ‘congrats dude’ gesture. “Though… shouldn’t you two be together then? Did he freak out? It’s Theo… feelings must be hard for him considering his history just give it time he will come around I’m sure. He is probably just scared because he never felt like this before.”

“It’s not Theo. Well it is and it isn’t. We kissed Mase.”

“Yes and that’s a good thing! Thinks are finally happening between you two!” Liam could feel Mason’s eyes on him and something on his face must have shown how Liam felt as Mason talked again.

“Unless it’s not a good thing? Liam… what is going on? You know I just want to know to help you. I just want you to be happy.”

“I know. I just… I can try to tell you what happened but… It’s hard. And complicated. Mase you can’t interrupt me because if you do I don’t think I’ll have the strength to start again.”

“I promise I won’t.” Mason answer, his eyes now filled with worry by the seriousness of Liam’s words.

And so Liam told his best friend everything, not just the kiss with Theo no. He started back with Hayden, back to before it all changed. He didn’t know how he managed to put into words half the things he was feelings but somehow it happened. Through ushered words and a voice that kept breaking, bit by bit everything was set free Mason keeping his promise, staying by Liam’s side, letting him take his time, never rushing him, never talking even when Liam couldn’t find his words. Staying silent and offering support through gentle squeeze on the beta’s shoulder. Liam eventually managed to finish his story, a part of him feeling lighter after finally sharing his biggest secret, the one that had been weighting him down for a year now. Admitting how broken he was though… That had hurt.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Liam choked, tears streaming down his face. He could feel Mason’s arms around him but couldn’t bring himself to look his best friend in the eyes, scared of what he might find.

“Oh Liam… You’re not broken. Never ever think again that you are. I just wished you would have told me about this sooner, I could have spared you so much pain. You’re asexual not broken, never broken. You’re amazing and the strongest person I know. Like no kidding you’re actually the strongest person I know cause werewolf and all… Which is so not what I’m supposed to be rambling about. I’m not an expert on this but we can go look it up together if you want. All I know is that roughly asexuality is when you don’t experience the desire to have sex. Which sounds exactly what you just explained to me. See? You’re perfectly fine and normal and there is nothing wrong with you.”

Liam was frozen. For so long now he though he was so fucked up he couldn’t even do that one thing right. And this revelation. He was okay. Normal. What he was feeling was okay. He wasn’t broken like he spent so long believing. The relief he felt in that moment was like nothing he had ever felt before, not even close of the one he did when he realized he wouldn’t have to sleep with Hayden anymore. His gaze finally shifted from his trembling hands to meet Mason’s, tears still falling from his eyes but from happiness this time, a smile appearing on his face.

“I’m okay.”

“Yes. You’re okay Liam. You’re okay.”

After that he knew he had spent at least a good 10 minutes in Mason’s arms repeating “I’m okay” over and over again while the other boy held him, hugging him tight. The rest of the night consisted of looking up asexuality with Mason by his side, every website making him feel more human, less lost, more okay. Though it didn’t erase the year of self-hatred and feeling broken, it didn’t come that easily to just accept there was nothing wrong with him. It wasn’t an easy change despite it being good, grasping onto the fact that there was something to explain him wasn’t as simple as one would think. One night wasn’t enough, it took days of Liam searching the internet, making sure this was really what he was, that it fit what he was feeling inside of him, alone and with Mason by his side until it really started to sink it. It was real, there was this word to describe him, to make him feel like he belonged, and slowly, days by days he started to begin to accept it. He was okay or at least he will be. There was still a long road ahead, this was just the beginning of his journey of acceptance toward who he is, there will be struggle but at least for now he knew who he was and the fact that there was a word to describe him was more than he could have ever hoped a week ago.

Little by little the pieces fell back into places and he finally felt whole again. One word had turned his world around. One word and its meaning was all he had needed to be able to breathe again. Funny how life works out sometimes, who knew one word could have such power over him? Though that was a lie. There was another word that had that much power him. One word that could break him. Or make him the happiest he could ever be. He just wasn’t ready to face it just yet. He just wanted to enjoy his newfound wholeness before putting his heart on the line even if only for a little while longer. He knew he was just prolonging the inevitable but… As long as he didn’t face the chimera there was still hope.

* * *

It takes another week before Liam has no other choice but to finally face Theo. Not that he is anywhere near ready for that. He talked to Mason about it, he knows he has to tell Theo, knows that apparently the chimera is miserable. Perks of Corey and Theo being friends is that Mason is aware of the chimera’s well being through his boyfriend. And knowing Theo Liam can only imagine what kind of self-loathing spiral the chimera had been in. It was just… complicated. How do you tell the person you like that you won’t be able to give them everything they expect of a relationship? How do you risk losing them? Liam wasn’t ready for that, not that he had Theo right now anyway.

He didn’t have a choice though as his mom entrusted him with leftovers to bring to the older boy as well as laundry. Apparently, Theo didn’t have a laundry machine yet and Jenna as kind enough to let him use theirs. Liam had been a master at avoiding Theo when he came around to do so. Yes, he usually ran out of his window. This time though the chimera had to leave for work before the dryer was done and Jenna didn’t have time to drop it off as she was hosting a dinner party and had a meal to prepare. Liam had tried to get out of it, argued that she could drop it all off tomorrow, that Theo wouldn’t miss his clothes for one night. His mom had just shot him the look, it had been clear she expected him to do this for her and he couldn’t really refuse now could he? He had resolved himself to text Corey to ask Theo’s address, not wanting to admit to his mom he didn’t know it. He knew she would have been less than impressed with him.

Luckily for him Corey hadn’t been busy with Mason as he answered immediately and minutes later Liam was parking in front of a building. He grabbed the gym bag containing Theo’s laundry at the foot of the passenger’s seat and the leftovers secured in a basket, preventing an unfortunate accident that could possibly result in food spilled all over his car, and stops at the door. He has to be buzzed in to enter. He has to ring the bell and talk to Theo. He has to talk to Theo. In retrospect he should have probably texted the chimera to let him know he was coming and arrange a way for Liam to drop off his delivery without having to see each other. Maybe part of him wanted to see Theo. Who was he kidding, it wasn’t a maybe but a certitude, his wolf was dying to be close to his anchor. He took a deep breath before letting his finger press the doorbell. A few moment later the voice he had missed like crazy answered. God, he sounded so good, even through the interphone, Liam had always been weak for that voice.

“Hello?”

“It’s Liam… My mom… she uh… I have your clothes and food she made me come I didn’t have a choice.”

Silence. Obviously, Theo had not been expecting and Liam with his inability to keep his mouth shut made it clear he was only here because he had to no doubt hurting Theo in the process.

“Would you mind bringing it up?”

“Yes. No. I mean yes I can bring it up.”

“Okay. 5th floor. Apar”

“I know.” Liam interrupted, hearing Theo say this like he expected Liam to not know where he lived had hurt, not that it wasn’t without any truth behind it since he hadn’t known up until 15 minutes ago.

The click of the interphone resonated in Liam’s ears until the continuous buzz indicating the door was open for a short window of time snapped him out of it. He didn’t waste any time getting in the elevator, pressing the button for the 5th floor. Here he was in an elevator, going to Theo. Maybe he would manage to avoid the discussion he knew needed to happen eventually. Maybe he wouldn’t. either way an elevator was fitting for them considering their history with them, the only thing missing was that they weren’t in the hospital and about to possibly die. Well that wasn’t quite true. His heart might be about to be crushed to death.

It wasn’t long before he was standing in front of the chimera’s door, fist raised, ready to knock. Before his hand could meet the wood of the door it opened revealing a sight he had missed more than anything for the last 4 weeks. Theo looked as good as always, too good actually. He was wearing that bright pink hoodie that made him look softer somehow and never failed to give Liam the urge to cuddle the chimera, to hold him close and never let go. He could feel his wolf rumbling in content as he was finally close to the one scent that could always calm him. He couldn’t do this. Couldn’t face Theo. This was too much. The look in Theo’s eyes, reflecting sadness and resignation, was too much. He just trusted the items in the chimera’s arms, turning away ready to go back to the elevator and leave this place.

“Liam wait!” God that voice… It sounded even better than over the interphone. Liam was helpless, could only turn back to the origin of the beautiful sound.

“I can’t… Theo… I have to go. My mom…”

“Please. I just want to talk. There is something I need you to know. I just need to say it and you don’t have to say anything back. I just need you to listen. Please. It won’t take long.”

“Fine.” Liam said, exhaling loudly. He was scared of whatever it was Theo was so desperate to tell him. It couldn’t be good, and Liam knew he wasn’t ready to tell Theo how he really feels, how he could never give Theo what he wanted, and they didn’t stand a change. He walked back to the door and past Theo as he stepped into the apartment for the first time. It was still bare from any decoration, he could spot a second-hand couch in the corner of the living room. The same one he had helped Theo pick a month ago when they went through thrift stores trying to find furniture for his future apartment. The one he didn’t even notice wasn’t in his house’s basement anymore.

“You can sit on the couch… Or just stay standing up, I guess… I have water if you want?”

“Theo…” Seeing the chimera like this break something inside of Liam, he looks so insecure and nervous. Something he had never seen before. Not for the first time he wondered what their kiss did to the other boy. Well what Liam rushing out mid kiss had done to him to be exact. And from the looks of things it had been worse than what the beta had imagined.

“Right. I…. Liam it’s okay. You don’t have to avoid me I get it really. Last time… When… It was a mistake and it should have never happened, and you realized that after getting lost in the moment for a second. Trust me I get it, I mean who could ever like someone like me. I’m messed up and a monster. A murderer. Hell, I wouldn’t like me. It’s unfair of me to ever have even hoped you could do so. You’re so good and I’m sorry you ever had to be put in the position where you had to reflect on me like this. I’m sorry I kissed you back. I shouldn’t have. You were confused and… Can we please pretend it never happened? I swear I will never try anything again, if you can find it in yourself to get pass this. I just don’t want to lose your friendship. I really liked being friends with you and losing that would suck. A lot. But if you can’t… I’d get that too and we don’t have to talk ever again. I’ll figure something out and get out of your life completely as fast as I can. I can just give you a hand whenever you need it because the town is about to be wrecked once more. We don’t have to interact more beside that.”

If you could hear a heart break that would be the only sound coming out of the apartment. Liam felt his aches at Theo’s words. He did this. Made Theo believe he didn’t like him. That kissing him had disgusted Liam that much that he decided to cut him out of his life. The worst part though was the chimera believing he wasn’t worthy of being cared about. He hated that what had happened had led Theo to believe that. All because he wasn’t like everyone else.

“Theo… You’re not… It’s not because of you, or because we kissed. Well it kinda is. It’s just. I like you okay. A lot. I like how you’re always here to save me, how you get along with my family so well, how you’re willing to do anything to protect the people you care about. To protect me. The way you smile when it’s just us, the look in your eyes when I smile at you. How complicated your are and how you view the world. The fact that you’re morally grey. I like everything about you. Good and bad and everything in between. And there is nothing more I’d want than to be with you. But I can’t because I’m not… I can’t give you what you want. And I won’t… You’re better off without me trust me. I can’t make you happy because I won’t put myself through that again and I’m sorry. I wish I could give you everything you want Theo, But I just can’t. You deserve the world, deserve someone who can give it to you and that’s just not me.”

“Liam hey, it’s okay. I told you. You don’t have to like me. Whatever it is that you think you can’t give me… I don’t need it. I just want you in my life. No matter the form. I’d be happy with whatever you decide to give me.”

“No, you won’t. I know it. I’ve… You kissed me. Hard. You want… You… I can’t do that Theo. I can’t. It’s… I just can’t” Liam choked on the tears that stared to pool in his eyes, he wanted to make Theo happy, but he wasn’t willing to pay that price again, wasn’t willing to hate himself again, he wasn’t even sure he could go through with it again. He knew there wasn’t anything wrong with him now. It was just terrifying to confess. And after spending so much time convinced he was so utterly broken it was hard to not revert to that when in an emotional situation. Over the last week he had come to understand he truly wanted a relationship with the chimera and there was a chance that it wouldn’t be possible even with Theo liking him back. He might not be enough for him.

“hey, hey ,hey it’s okay, you’re okay. You’re incredible and brave and you’re bright like sunshine, you’re the light in my darkness, you’re my Sunshine Liam. I won’t let anything hurt you, not even myself.” Theo said, slowly approaching the beta, making sure Liam was okay with it as he started to hug him, rubbing circle on his back as Liam instinctively clung to Theo’s hoodie, his tears slowly drenching the soft material.

“What is it that you can’t do? Kiss me? Because I don’t need you to do that Sunshine, I just want to see you smile that beautiful smile of yours.” That was all Liam needed to hear, that gave him hope, maybe just maybe Theo would be okay being with him despite the absence of sex. Maybe his heart didn’t have to be shattered.

“I… Yeah the kissing. And more. It’s… I don’t like it. I did it before and I hated every minute of it. Masons said I’m ace… I know it’s not… I know you want more and that’s okay, I just can’t give that do you. I did it before with Hayden and it nearly broke me and I don’t want to go back to feeling that way. So it’s for the best if we just… Stay clear from each other until whatever this is between us fades away and forget that kiss ever happened. Then we can be friends, if you want.”

“Liam. Look at me.”

Liam slowly raised his gaze until crystal blue meets leafy green. Theo’s knuckles softly caress the beta’s cheek before he starts talking again.

“Sunshine listen to me. I don’t care about sex, or kisses. I care about you. I want to be with you and I’m more than fine with whatever you are willing to give me. We don’t have to do anything. We can just keep doing what we were doing before. Nothing has to be different we can just do whatever you are comfortable with.”

“You’d really be okay with that?” The hope in his voice must had been clear to Theo, as he looked at him something like sadness in his eyes.

“Of course, I like you, who you are as a person and a relationship is so much more than sex. I’ve never felt how I feel about to you for anyone before. And it’s not going anywhere no matter how hard you try to pull back. We can just be happy together all you have to do is let us.”

Despite Theo’s words there was still doubts in Liam’s mind. He needed Theo to understand completely what them being together would mean. He wasn’t sure he could survive Theo leaving him in a year because he changed his mind and realized he needed more than Liam could give in a relationship.

“I need you to be sure Theo. Because I can’t do this only for you to realize I’m not enough. I don’t think I could take it. You need to understand. Being with me means we won’t have sex. And it’s not going to change you can’t be okay with it now and change your mind in a year. If you need time to think about it, I understand I’d rather have you thinking about it than saying yes right now only to realize later down the road that you can’t do this.”

“I am sure 100% Sunshine. I don’t need time. I want to be with you and I don’t care about what we do or won’t do in the bedroom. I promise you I am okay being in a relationship with you and all that it entails. I just need you, nothing more. I like you now, just the way you are.“

Tears of happiness started to form in his eyes. Every fear, every doubt had been for nothing and he had never been more glad. Everything will be okay. His heart was intact, and he was in Theo’s arms.

“I… Thank you for… I don’t even know. Accepting me I guess?” Liam laughed wetly; hiding his face in the older boy’s neck, inhaling the one scent that never seemed to fail calming him.

“You don’t have to Thank me. I’m just sorry you had to go through all of that Sunshine. I can’t even imagine all the hurt you went through. I’m sorry you had to experience that. Was it why you ran away? Because you were scared to tell me?”

“Not exactly… It’s a little bit more complicated than that. And kind of a long story. I can tell you about it if you want though.” The words escaping his mouth, surprising Liam himself but he realized they were true. He was willing no he wanted to tell Theo the story he had struggled to tell for the first time a week ago. He wasn’t scared. He knew Theo would be there and understanding, he knew Theo wouldn’t leave. Had the reassurance Theo accepted him just the way he was. And that meant the world.

“I’d love that. Go sit on the couch I’m going to make us some tea and you can tell me all about it then. We will be more comfortable there than standing in the middle of my living room”

Liam laughed at that, tightening his hold on Theo before letting go. The other boy let his hands run down Liam’s arms before gently grabbing his face and kissing his forehead, freezing the next second realizing what he had done.

“I’m sorry was that... okay?”

Liam couldn’t help but giggle at Theo, looking adorable all worried and his heart swelled at seeing him care so much about Liam’s comfort.

“Yes it was. We should probably talk about all of that though.”

“Yeah we should. Let me get that tea and then we can talk all night long Sunshine.”

It only took a few minutes before Liam was curled up against Theo, their skin somehow always touching with the chimera making a point of always being holding one of Liam’s limbs, a cup of tea in his hand, they spent the rest of the night talking, Liam telling Theo about his journey of self-discovery Theo opening up about his self-esteem issues and Liam reassuring him as well as the both of them figuring out the boundaries of their newfound relationship, enjoying finally be able to be together after months of dancing around each other.

They ended up falling asleep in the chimera’s bed, Liam safely curled up in Theo’s arms, just like he had been craving for month, happiness emanating from them. Liam knew they will be okay, knew they had their happy ending. They’ll learn to navigate their relationship one step at the time and everything will be okay. He was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!  
> Please let me know if there is any tag you think i should add.


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